Have you had this experience? You have a mound of suitcases, satchels, and various sizes of items that need to be packed into your car. As you stand eyeing the challenge, your teen steps up with a clear plan of how they will all fit, then proceeds to make it happen. This is the High C-Style Teen doing what they do best.
Whether it is in your home, your practice, your neighborhood, or your church, a common goal is to have better relationships with the teens in your life. One key to improving relationships is to use the DISC System to better understand them.
As we go through the Adult to Teen DISC Series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High D-Style Adult and the High C-Style Teen.
As a reminder:
- High D-Style – is the take charge, fast-paced, must be in control, decisive and authoritative, gets things done NOW person
- High C-Style – is precise, likes procedures, is conscientious, systematic, slower-paced, and task-oriented
We saw this combination played out repeatedly in our home when our children were teens. It is so encouraging to see how our Adult D-Style and 2 Teen C-Styles have gone from knocking heads to learning to relate very well and be able to work on projects together. One project that came up often was how to pack everything into the car for an outing, a trip, a return to college, etc.
Or perhaps you are a High D-Style orthodontist trying to give instructions to your C-Style patients. Your day is packed, you need to stay on schedule, yet the C-Style patient has a thousand questions and wants you to answer all of them. They are interested in every detail of their treatment.
Whether as a parent or a professional, I hope this blogpost will give you some great ideas to improve your relationships with these teens.
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs [affiliate link], Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this Adult D-Style and Teen C-Style combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: Since both of you focus on tasks and enjoy working independently, you share some common ground. As a team, with your direction and the child’s attention to detail, you can accomplish a lot.
STRUGGLES: You tend to jump into a project quickly, whereas the child likes to think things through in detail. You both want results, but the child wants things done right and you want things done now. This difference in pace is a chief source of conflict. Also, your tendency to control things can be discouraging to this child who does not want to feel pressured.
STRATEGIES:
- Do not become impatient with the child. Don’t rush or push him.
- Give him time to make decisions.
- Allow the child time to gather all the facts and do things “correctly” – as he defines “correct.”
- Be careful with criticism. While it may motivate you, he may internalize the criticism deeply and it may seriously damage his self-esteem. Callous comments or acts of aggression will immobilize him.
- Be prepared to answer the child’s “why” questions and provide in-depth explanations patiently.
- Accept and affirm his cautious nature. Do not expect him to be a risk-taker like you.
- Listen to your child. His reasons for doing what he does are usually thought out thoroughly.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
One of Dr. Boyd’s strategies that we saw work extremely well:
- to allow the C-Style teen the time they needed to think through decisions or challenges, look at their options, process all the details, then come to their best conclusion.
The challenge comes with the difference in speed of these two Styles. The Adult D-Style is fast-paced, quick to make decisions and a “Do It NOW” person. The Teen C-Style is slow-paced, likes to think things through detail by detail, carefully consider the course of action, then proceed systematically. It truly is on the Adult D-Style to be aware of this difference and take steps to give the Teen C-Style the time, grace and patience required for them to do things at their pace.
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High D-Style Adult and a High C-Style Teen can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible as well as some good next steps in those interactions, wherever they may occur.
If you are interested in reading the blogpost on this Adult/CHILD combination, click here:
“Remember – Measure Twice, Cut Once, Dad! You’ve Got to Use My Proven System!”
QUESTION: How have you tried to better relate to a detail-oriented, slower-paced teen? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
Leave A Comment