How to Know If I Am Being a Dreaded “Style Squelcher”

This hits home because I realize too often THIS IS ME! Yikes!

Nearly 49 years ago, when I first met my husband, I had never spent much time around anyone who was a VHDS (Very High D-Style). And he had never spent much time around anyone whose VHIS (Very High I-Style) was nearly at the top of the chart, like mine.

Because of these differences, after our first date, we agreed there was no point in spending any more time together. I thought he was way too bossy and he thought I was extremely silly. But a year later, we changed our minds, started dating and were married the next year.

But our DISC Styles didn’t change and we were both challenged with getting to know a Style quite different from our Family of Origin or our circle of friends.

Even after 47 years of marriage, one of our biggest challenges is still resisting the urge to be a “squelcher” of the other. The first step is realizing when we are falling into that mode.

How to know when we are being a “squelcher”:

• Eye-rolling in response to what someone is saying or doing
• Allowing ourselves to respond with a “frustrated reaction” instead of a “thoughtful response”
• Irritated with “why do you have to be that way?!”
• Reacting with “You want to what?! Well, you’ll have to find someone else to go with you!”
• Having the “oh, no, not that side of you again” retort

Then how do we turn “squelching” around?

• Realize when we are doing it and STOP
• Don’t expect others to be just like us – we are different by design
• Choose to give the gift of acceptance and value the person for who they are
• Reframe the urge to “squelch” by sharing a “Gratitude Sandwich” – share something you are grateful for about that person, share honestly about what you are tempted to “squelch”, end with a comment of appreciation for them

Next week, I want to approach the subject from the viewpoint of the “squelchee”.

Bottom line – may we choose to be respectful and value each other for the way we were each specifically designed.

QUESTION: What are your experiences or insights regarding “squelching”? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.