Have you ever worked with a child who was always active, had more energy than they truly knew what to do with, while having LOTS of ideas on what they could do with all that energy and when? In other words, they are driven to be in charge and they have the ideas and the energy to accomplish their goals. Welcome to the world of the High D-Style Child. Now what happens when we combine this go-getter child with a slower-paced, detail-oriented adult?
As we go through the Adult to Child Relationship DISC series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High C-Style Adult with the High D-Style Child.
As a reminder:
- The High C – is precise, conscientious, systematic, slower-paced, task-oriented, likes procedures and details
- The High D is the take charge, must be in control, faster-paced, decisive and authoritative, and gets things done person
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High C Adult/High D Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: Both parent and child share a similar bent toward accomplishing tasks. As long as they share these goals, they can be very effective as a pair, and mutually helpful.
STRUGGLES: If parent and child have opposing goals, the “C” parent will find himself in a hopeless battle. The “C” wants things done “right”, according to his standards. But “right” to a “D” is seldom as complicated as the “C” seems to make it. The “D” child simply wants to do it his way and get it done. The child will tend to make decisions and do things quickly and miss key details that are important to the “C” parent.
STRATEGIES:
- Give your “D” child some responsibility, and keep yourself from stepping in to try to make things better. He needs to be in charge of something.
- Be lavish in affirming the goals and accomplishments of this child. This may not come naturally for you, since you often see how something can be done just a little bit better.
- Recognize that risk-taking is important to this child. Set limits according to wisdom and safety.
- Accept that life with a “D” child will be one change and challenge after another.
- Recognize this child’s need for physical activity.
- Try not to argue with him; your reasoning may not be convincing.
- Most of all, don’t expect perfection. Be cautious about setting your standards so high that your child feels he will never be able to reach them. Even a “D” will quit trying if he is constantly criticized for not measuring up.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
This was my husband’s combination with his parents when he was growing up. He is in the 4% of the population that are a pure High D-Style with low I, S and C Styles. But his parents were both High C’s and his Dad had a lot of D-style as well. One day, I was having a chat with my mother-in-law about my husband’s growing-up years. When I asked what he was like as a child, she just laughed that “oh boy” laugh. It reminded me of that scene in the movie, “Sabrina” when Sabrina asks Linus’s mother what he was like as a child and she answers, “Shorter.”
Even now, as we are building our new house, my High C approach is to investigate every option, make extensive lists and go through the process slowly and methodically. But my High D husband is gung-ho to get a quick look at the options, make a fast decision and just go with it.
All this to reiterate that our innate Styles come through whether we are adults or children. So it is key for a parent to discern both their own Style as well as the Style of their children. But it is also to a child’s benefit to understand the dynamics they have with their parents. This mutual understanding, especially of the Strengths, Struggles and Strategies can go a LONG way to reaching the goal of Family harmony, empathy and support. If you would like to know your own DISC Style, or that of your child, just click here for the DISC Assessments on my website’s Resource page.
To better explain the DISC Styles to children, John Trent wrote a delightful book, The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality. Mr. Trent uses the analogy of a lion (High D), an otter (High I), a golden retriever (High S) and a beaver (High C) to demonstrate how these traits are a treasure for the children.
Also, in his book, Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Boyd has a whole section on “Why You Are Who You Are” with excellent questionnaires to use to discern both a person’s pace (D’s and I’s are faster-paced, S’s and C’s are slower-paced) and their priority (D’s and C’s are task-focused, I’s and S’s are people-focused). If you want more information, I highly recommend getting his book. It is full of insightful perception and practical application.
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High C Adult and a High D Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible whether it is as part of a family or in a profession.
QUESTION: Think of a time when you sought to relate with a child who was high energy, driven to be in control and ready to push the boundaries at every opportunity. What did you find worked well? Or not so well? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
P.S. If you are interested in learning more about how the DISC Styles interact with Stress, I wrote a short e-book, “How to DISC Stress Goodbye for Good”. If you would like to download a copy, just click this button: YES! I want to DISC my stress away for good!
Leave A Comment