Adult D-Style and Child I-Style: Work or Fun – What Comes First?

As we go through the Adult to Child series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High D-Style Adult with the High I-Style Child.

Picture this – the Work Must Come First parent insists their Fun-First Child clean their room before any play time on Saturday morning. After thirty minutes, the child reports to the parent that they have worked hard, the job is done and friends are waiting. But when the parent opens the door to the bedroom, it is chaos and disarray. What comes next is critically important.

As a reminder:

• The High D is the take charge, must be in control, decisive and authoritative, and gets things done person
• The High I is the “party looking for a place to happen”, fun-loving, outgoing, enthusiastic, very positive person

From Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Boyd shares the:

STRENGTHS: Both of you are confident and enjoy a fast-paced approach to life. Your child will want to please you so desperately that he will follow (or at least appear to follow) your leadership.

STRUGGLES: Your desire to accomplish goals and get results can easily be frustrated by the “take-life-as-it-comes” attitude of this child. Frequent conflicts may occur when your focus on getting things done clashes with the child’s focus on having fun and being with his friends. Also, the child’s tendency toward disorganization and not completing tasks can cause you to become very angry.

STRATEGIES:

• Realize that this child may never have your focus or your goal orientation, but this doesn’t make him “bad”.
• Make work fun. Do some chores and projects with your child.
• Provide ideas for transforming talk into action. Write down the details of what you expect and keep rules simple and easy to follow.
• Listen enthusiastically to your child’s long stories and tales. This is a skill to be encouraged – he’ll probably end up making a living by using his mouth.
• Give a lot of praise, affection and approval
• Accept the child’s feelings and emotions, as well as insisting on facts.
• Your strength to stand firm and alone under pressure can provide an excellent role model for this child, whose greatest struggle tends to be succumbing to peer pressure.

[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]

One of Dr. Boyd’s strategies that we saw work extremely well, and still experience as a benefit, is the working on a project or chore together. Something amazing happens when the focus is taken off of each other and becomes accomplishing the goal of the project. And again, remember that “Rules without Relationship = Rebellion”.

As an added bonus, I also want to recommend another book that added an extra layer of communication and interaction and addresses these issues: The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. You will find this book also extremely insightful and helpful.

I hope this gives you an idea of how a High D Adult and a High I Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible whether it is as part of a family or in a profession.

QUESTION: Think of a time when you were relating with a fun-loving, carefree child. How did you try to work with them to accomplish your goals? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.

P.S. If you are interested in finding out the DISC profile for yourself or a family member, just click here for the Resources page of my website to find more information on getting a DISC Assessment – an easy online process that will gain you lots of insight on your personal Styles.