Do You Want to Know My System and the Right Way to Do It?

Have you ever known a child who insisted their way of doing things was the “right” way, and they had a system in place to prove it?

As we finish the Adult to Child Relationship DISC series, the final combination we will discuss this week is the High C-Style Adult with the High C-Style Child.

As a reminder:

• The High C – is precise, conscientious, systematic, slower-paced, task-oriented, likes procedures, systems and details – whether they are a child or an adult

In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High C Adult/High C Child combination and shares the:

STRENGTHS: This is a natural combination to produce a child prodigy. You can enjoy working hard together on some task or project and give full attention to what needs to be done. You both are prone to seriousness. And both parent and child are dedicated to quality, excellence, and doing things the right way.

STRUGGLES: The trouble comes when parent and child disagree on whose way is the “right” way. Both can quickly shut down and withdraw to plan their next move. And both tend to wage a war of indirect communication.

STRATEGIES:

• Be open at times if your child suggests a different way of doing something. Be willing to flex on some of your standards to finish a job in a mutually acceptable way.
• Be careful when you correct your child. You well know that criticism of your work is one of your greatest fears.
• Don’t overreact when your child criticizes you.
• Show plenty of affection and emotion. Like you, this child needs to feel loved and valued, and he may not be naturally affectionate.
• Most of all, don’t set your standards so high that your child feels he will never be able to reach them.

[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]

As Dr. Boyd mentions in his Strategies, the willingness to be flexible is a key character development for both adult and child, though a challenging one. And I appreciate his focus on the care needed when correcting or criticizing. Both adult and child are extremely sensitive to both.

To help with these strategies, a fitting book I want to recommend is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish.

To better explain the DISC Styles to children, John Trent wrote a delightful book, The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality. Mr. Trent uses the analogy of a lion (High D), an otter (High I), a golden retriever (High S) and a beaver (High C) to demonstrate how these traits are a treasure for the children.

I hope this gives you an idea of how a High C Adult and a High C Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible whether it is as part of a family or in a profession.

QUESTION: Think of a time when you sought to relate with a child who insisted their way was the “right” way and their system was the best approach. What did you find worked well? Or not so well? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.