But I DID Clean My Room! Now Can I Go Play With My Friends?

Have you ever had a child who added the element of fun to everything they did? And were so persuasive, they could talk anyone into sharing that fun with them? So how does this high energy, fun-loving child relate with a parent who is slower-paced, and detail-oriented?

We all strive to have better relationships with the children in our lives. So as we go through this Adult to Child Relationship DISC series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High C-Style Adult with the High I-Style Child.

As a reminder:

• The High C – is precise, conscientious, systematic, slower-paced, task-oriented, likes procedures and details

• The High I is the “party looking for a place to happen”, fun-loving, outgoing, fast-paced, people-focused, enthusiastic, very positive person

In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High C Adult/High I Child combination and shares the:

STRENGTHS: Your love for detail and doing things right is exactly what this child needs to be more balanced and successful in life. And your child can be a source of freshness and joy to you, because you tend to be more serious.

STRUGGLES: Since you are on opposite ends of the “pace and priority” continuum, you may find it difficult to understand this child’s persistent intense need for fun. Because of your high standards, the child may not receive the praise and approval he needs. This may cause him to look for approval from other people.

STRATEGIES:

• You must modify your expectations for this child. Realize that he will never give the same attention to details that you do.
• This child hungers for acceptance and approval, so look for strengths and praise him at every opportunity.
• Enjoy your child for who he is, even though his strengths may be different from yours.
• Stop working on your projects and tasks long enough to give the child your focused attention.
• Listen enthusiastically to his stories and tales. It energizes him to talk and have you listen attentively.
• Most of all, don’t push for perfection. Don’t set your standards so high that your child comes to feel he will never be able to reach them.

[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]

One of the keys of this combination is to respect how vastly different you two are from each other. But as always, to remember that the focus is on different; one is not “right” or “wrong”. Instead, be sure to give the Gifts of Respect and Admiration for how unique each of you are. The strategies Dr. Boyd lists above are outstanding for communicating these essential truths.

To better explain the DISC Styles to children, John Trent wrote a delightful book, The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality. Mr. Trent uses the analogy of a lion (High D), an otter (High I), a golden retriever (High S) and a beaver (High C) to demonstrate how these traits are a treasure for the children.

The importance of the Gift of Listening to a High I Child cannot be emphasized enough. So another fitting book I want to recommend is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish.

I hope this gives you an idea of how a High C Adult and a High I Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible whether it is as part of a family or in a profession. May it help you reach that crucial goal of better relationships with the children in our lives.

QUESTION: Think of a time when you sought to relate with a child full of fun and stories to tell. What did you find worked well? Or not so well? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.