Have you ever had a child who wanted to know every detail of everything they were involved with? If you are the one putting braces on them, as many of my readers are, they pepper you with questions from the moment they arrive in your office until the door closes behind them. These children just LOVE the details!
As we go through the Adult to Child Relationship DISC series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High S-Style Adult with the High C-Style Child.
As a reminder:
- The High S – is dependable, persistent, tender-hearted, slower-paced, cooperative, patient, and steady
- The High C – is precise, conscientious, systematic, slower paced, task oriented, likes procedures and details
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High S Adult/High C Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: Both of you tend to be slower-paced, allow one another “alone time”, and can enjoy being together without a lot of conversation. Neither is pushy, and you both prefer to avoid conflict.
STRUGGLES: In this pair, the critical nature of your child can easily result in hurt feelings on the part of the parent. You will tend to suppress those feelings rather than talk about them. The child’s inner, intuitive, logical approach to life can at times clash with your more feelings-oriented focus. Also, you naturally work to develop close relationships, and you may feel concern about the child’s cool, calculated manner.
STRATEGIES:
- Recognize this child’s need for privacy. If there is a conflict, give him time alone to think, and ask to talk about the problem later.
- He needs private time to recharge after stress. Do not interpret this as rejection.
- Don’t push this child into closeness. Choose your sharing times carefully. Talk about how you feel and listen for understanding when you sense the child has withdrawn and shut down.
- Be prepared to give in-depth explanations in a patient manner.
- Allow him time for disappointment when he has not met his own high standards.
- Give sincere, descriptive praise and show appreciation for his work.
- Don’t overreact to his tendency to be critical, but gently guide him to accept shortcomings in himself and others.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
As I learned from the DISC, High C-Style people, both adults and children, are renewed by quiet alone time. After a full day of all the people and noise and activity of school, there was nothing my High C’s needed more than to have their time in their room to decompress and unwind. But it took me a long time to learn this. I struggled with why my child would rather go be quietly alone in her room with a book, than sit and tell me all about her day at school. But once I learned this important truth about how the DISC Styles renew themselves, it all made sense, and I was glad to give her that time and space.
To better explain the DISC Styles to children, John Trent wrote a delightful book, The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality. Mr. Trent uses the analogy of a lion (High D), an otter (High I), a golden retriever (High S) and a beaver (High C) to demonstrate how these traits are a treasure for the children.
Another fitting book I want to recommend is:
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High S Adult and a High C Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible whether it is as part of a family or in a profession.
QUESTION: Think of a time when you sought to relate with a child interested in all the details. What did you find worked well? Or not so well? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
P.S. If you are interested in learning more about how the DISC Styles interact with Stress, I wrote a short e-book, “How to DISC Stress Goodbye for Good”. If you would like to download a copy, just click this button:
Click here for the free “DISC Stress Goodbye for Good” e-book
Leave A Comment