As you can see, Mom, I have TEN Good Reasons, so I should be able to…

Have you ever had a child deliver their TEN good reasons and talk you into something that, deep inside you, your better judgement was screaming, “NO!” Whether they were your own child or your patient or a relative… doesn’t matter. These children have a gift of being able to persuade.

As we go through the Adult to Child Relationship series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High S-Style Adult with the High I-Style Child.

As a reminder:

• The High S is the dependable, persistent, tender-hearted, slow-paced, cooperative, patient, steady person
• The High I is the “party looking for a place to happen”, fun-loving, outgoing, fast-paced, enthusiastic, persuasive, very positive person

In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High S Adult/High I Child combination and shares the:

STRENGTHS: You have the potential to get along well. You love to have a good time and the child can provide the entertainment. Both provide praise and appreciation which both need to feel good about themselves.

STRUGGLES: Keeping up with the pace of this child can be a challenge for you. Your child likes change and moves from activity to activity like a tornado. You prefer things to be calm, peaceful, and routine.

STRATEGIES:

• You must be firm and set limits with this child. His persuasive, fast-talking ability can leave you speechless, wondering why you gave permission for some activity.
• Don’t overdo for this child. He tends to dislike work and will let you do everything for him if you are not careful. This can breed irresponsibility into the child; he’ll go through life thinking someone else will take care of him, so he can coast along and have fun.
• Don’t bail him out when he has not been responsible with homework or keeping on a schedule. Let him experience the logical consequences of being disorganized or forgetful.
• Help him become more organized by writing down how something is to be done in a step-by-step manner. Use “To-Do” lists, but don’t be surprised when this child frequently loses the list.

[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]

Since my second-highest style is the S, and I have a very High I child, the challenge for me was keeping the boundaries strong as we were raising her. Her ability to persuade and talk people into something was boundless as well as her uncanny ability to talk her way out of consequences. So it took a lot of diligence and firmness to hold the line. In all honesty, sometimes we were successful, sometimes not.

But then, I’ve seen her talk her way out of several tickets. Even the airlines succumbed to her gift of persuasion. One of my priceless parenting moments was watching her talk her way into boarding an airplane with her backpack, an overstuffed satchel, a guitar and a LARGE POTTED PLANT and wearing a large floppy hat! AMAZING!!

Because books have been such a great source of understanding and practical help for us, there are some that are great for use with the High S Adult and the High I Child:

• Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
• How to Really Love Your Child by Dr. Ross Campbell
• Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
• How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Also, to better explain the DISC Styles to children, John Trent wrote a delightful book, The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality. Mr. Trent uses the analogy of a lion (High D), an otter (High I), a golden retriever (High S) and a beaver (High C) to demonstrate how these traits are a treasure for the children.

I hope this gives you an idea of how a High S Adult and a High I Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible whether it is as part of a family or in a profession.

QUESTION: Think of a time when you sought to hold the line with a high energy, very persuasive child. What did you find worked well? Or not so well? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.