First and foremost, we pray for the people in Ukraine – for the men fighting the war, for the women and children trying to escape. I strongly believe in the power of united prayer – and ask you to please join me in seeking God’s intervention in this evil.
Then back to our process of the Adult to Child series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High I-Style Adult with the High I-Style Child. It is quite the opposite of the seriousness of the Ukraine situation…
As a reminder:
- The High I is the “party looking for a place to happen”, fun-loving, outgoing, faster speed, enthusiastic, very positive person – regardless of their age
So if you put two High I’s together – a party is guaranteed to happen! Or at least a lot of fun-loving activities. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogposts, my eldest has a lot of High I in her, so it was especially easy for us to use any excuse to drop whatever we were doing and head out for a picnic or a trip to the zoo. One of the prime features of her High School years that I loved was that I never knew how many people (read extra KIDS) I’d be serving supper to that evening.
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, [affiliate link] Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High I Adult/High I Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: Both of you live life enthusiastically and optimistically, enjoy being with people, like to have fun, want to impress others, and freely give compliments and praise. In fact, you can become a mutual admiration society. When you make mistakes, you both will give a lot of slack and tend to forgive easily.
STRUGGLES: Because both parent and child tend to live life emotionally, you may end up competing to be the center of attention. Jealousy between a high “I” teenage daughter and mother is not uncommon. Also, since you both tend to be impulsive, issues such as following through on responsibilities and financial discipline can become a major family problem.
STRATEGIES:
- Remember to listen to your “I” child. He likes to talk as much as you.
- Realize that your tendency to be overly permissive may help produce an even greater lack of responsibility in this child. Learn to incorporate some of the strengths of both the Directive and Corrective parenting styles in order to give balance to your natural parenting style.
- Realize that this child dislikes details as much as you do. Write down who is responsible for what. You can make this fun by turning it into a game.
- Set limits and boundaries and follow through with discipline. Resist bailing the child out when he fails to follow through. This will not be easy, but it is necessary in order for him to grow into a competent, responsible adult.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
The challenge comes from the fact that you cannot party all the time. At some point, it is important to get our work done and it is critical to teach this to your fun-loving child.
One of Dr. Boyd’s strategies that we saw work extremely well was developing written guidelines. We used this strategy for everything from weekly chores to dating. It always gave us something concrete to sit down together and discuss before the fun-loving side took over.
A key I want to emphasize as I talk about the two High I’s is the importance of having fun. It will come easily and naturally to this pairing. But in any combination, it is so important to laugh together, talk and listen to each other well and find opportunities to play games together. Have a regular Family Fun night!
My family, when I was growing up, would regularly play ball across the street in the park. Dad was always the pitcher, Mom was the catcher and we four children took turns at being up at bat or fielding the ball and playing first base. It was a hoot!
Again this week, I want to highly recommend Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children [affiliate link] by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Also, Foster Cline and Jim Fay’s book – Parenting with Love and Logic has many applicable insights.
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High I Adult and a High I Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible whether it is as part of a family or in a profession.
QUESTION: Think of a time when you were relating with a fun-loving, carefree child. How did you try to work with them to accomplish your goals? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
P.S. If you are interested in finding out about the DISC profile for yourself or a family or staff member, please click here for more information. I have a few DISC Assessments left.
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