Come on, Dad! Kids Just Want to Have FUN! Chores Can WAIT!!

As we go through the Adult to Child series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High D-Style Adult with the High I-Style Child.

As a reminder:

• The High D is the take charge, must be in control, decisive and authoritative, and gets things done person
• The High I is the “party looking for a place to happen”, fun-loving, outgoing, enthusiastic, very positive person

In our family, we had two sets of these High D Adult to High I Children combinations. But each set approached things quite differently and required unique strategies. We definitely could not simply duplicate what had worked with one child and assume it would work with the other.

From his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, [affiliate link] Dr. Charles Boyd explains this combination:

STRENGTHS: Both of you are confident and enjoy a fast-paced approach to life. Your child will want to please you so desperately that he will follow (or at least appear to follow) your leadership.

STRUGGLES: Your desire to accomplish goals and get results can easily be frustrated by the “take-life-as-it-comes” attitude of this child. Frequent conflicts may occur when your focus on getting things done clashes with the child’s focus on having fun and being with his friends. Also, the child’s tendency toward disorganization and not completing tasks can cause you to become very angry.

STRATEGIES:

• Realize that this child may never have your focus or your goal orientation, but this doesn’t make him “bad”.
• Make work fun. Do some chores and projects with your child.
• Provide ideas for transforming talk into action. Write down the details of what you expect and keep rules simple and easy to follow.
• Listen enthusiastically to your child’s long stories and tales. This is a skill to be encouraged – he’ll probably end up making a living by using his mouth.
• Give a lot of praise, affection and approval
• Accept the child’s feelings and emotions, as well as insisting on facts.
• Your strength to stand firm and alone under pressure can provide an excellent role model for this child, whose greatest struggle tends to be succumbing to peer pressure.

[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]

First, please know that the Strengths comments are certainly true UNLESS the child also has a lot of the D-Style in them. Then there is the potential for a loud, sharp, battle of wits and words. For more information and understanding of the High D Adult/High D Child combination, please see last week’s blogpost, “Remember – I’m In Charge So Will You Stop Trying To Be In Charge?!”

One of Dr. Boyd’s Strategies that we saw work extremely well, and still experience as a benefit, is the working on a project or chore together. Something amazing happens when the focus is taken off of each other and turns to accomplishing the goal of the project. And again, remember that “Rules without Relationship = Rebellion”.

As an added bonus, I also want to recommend another book that gave us an extra layer of communication and interaction and also addresses these issues: The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. [Affiliate link) You will find this book also extremely insightful and helpful.

I hope all of this gives you an idea of how a High D Adult and a High I Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible whether it is as part of a family or in a profession.

QUESTION: Think of a time when you were relating with a fun-loving, carefree child. How did you try to work with them to accomplish your goals? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.

P.S. If you are interested in finding out the DISC profile for yourself or a family member, please click here for more information. I have a few DISC Assessments left.