Remember – I’m In Charge So Will You Stop Trying To Be In Charge?!

Hooray and Finally – Let’s BEGIN!

As Dr. Charles Boyd states in his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs [affiliate link], “outside of God’s Word, the insights I’ve gained through the DISC model are the most important body of information I possess.”

So it was extremely exciting to get permission from the publisher of this book to utilize the section Dr. Boyd develops on how each DISC Style Adult relates to each DISC Style child. This is important enough and valuable enough to understand that I want to give each combination its own blogpost over the next few months. Please know that each of these explanations will give you the wisdom and understanding you need in any situation where you as an adult interact with children.

The first combination we will discuss is the High D Adult and the High D Child. I could write an entire book on this pair and how invaluable it was for our family to learn about when our children were growing up.

This is also one of the most “interesting” and challenging combinations. Since High D’s usually have a strong drive to be in charge, when you put two of them together, regardless of their ages, they will both have that overpowering goal.

From Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Boyd shares the:

Strengths: as long as you both share the same desires and direction, you will experience harmony and you’ll be able to accomplish much as a team. Your mutual goals, admiration and desire to get results can be very positive and affirming.

Struggles:

• Power struggles over control
• Competitive – both want to win every battle at all costs
• Neither will be willing to give up control

Strategies:

• Don’t force issues
• Don’t threaten or give ultimatums
• Balance holding a hard line with allowing the child some areas over which he can have control
• Give the child choices whenever possible – Ex. – “Would you rather do the chore now or as soon as your TV show is over?”
• Do not lecture
• Whenever possible, give one word commands : “Sarah, your room!”
• Discuss areas of greatest disruption with the child – develop working rules and stick to them
• Don’t argue with the child. If you do, they have won the battle because they were able to control your emotions and reactions

[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]

The challenge comes in learning how to apply the Strategies and staying calm enough to do so. Believe me, Screaming Matches do NOT work. And being Heavy Handed backfires. As I heard somewhere years ago: “Rules without Relationship = Rebellion”.

One of the strategies I do highly recommend for the High D Adult to High D Child combination is found in Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay’s book, Parenting with Love and Logic [affiliate link]. It was also a total game changer for us, especially with our youngest High D and truly saved our relationship with him.

I hope this gives you an idea of how a High D Adult and a High D Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible.

QUESTION: Have you ever experienced being in the middle of two highly driven people who both absolutely had to be in charge? How did you handle it? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.