I Definitely Need to Correct This Poor Behavior, But How?!

The last two weeks, I’ve talked about the power of our words in the lives of children. We first focused on how we can be a Positive Mirror to them, calling out their strengths and encouraging them. Then we dealt with the truth that “what we say is what we’ll get”.

These are important parts of speaking into the lives of children, but there comes a point where there has to be some correction.

The first decision is whether or not this is a situation that needs some words of correction:

• What role do we have in the child’s life? Is it our responsibility to correct them on this issue?
• Should we take this opportunity to deal with the situation now or is it better done in a more private setting?
• How serious a situation is it? Is it wise to address it now and start to “whittle off the bumps on the stick”?
• Is it childishness showing through? Or are they tired or hungry and those issues should be taken care of first? There is a big difference between a child who is being crabby because they are hungry and the child who is choosing to be disrespectful or mean.

If these quick assessments point to a need to address the issue, here are a few of the Best Ways to Correct:

• Teach the child that every strength taken to an extreme can become a negative. Charles Boyd has a very insightful chart on these strengths and their corresponding weaknesses in his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs. [affiliate link]
• Use the phrases, “one thing you might want to remember…” or “something you might want to consider” instead of “you need to…”
• Utilize the Sandwich Method – state the “negative” correction between two positive phrases
• Avoid using the word, “but” – it negates everything that came before it. For example, saying “You did a good job on your test, BUT if you would improve your study habits, you would do even better.”
• Give the child choices that will give them some control, but also lead to improved behavior. See any of Foster Cline and Jim Fay’s books on Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility [affiliate link] These books were our game-changers – especially in responding to High D-Style children.

QUESTION: Do you agree with the value of taking as much care in our correcting words as we do in our affirming words? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.