When our children were growing up, we often referred to our family as having “too many chiefs”. Too many of us wanted to be in charge, which often left to “interesting” interactions.
As I’ve mentioned before, the DISC graphs for my husband and me are opposites of each other. Then the graphs for our three children are totally different from ours as well. We are indeed a unique group. And our interactions tended to run from one end of understanding each other well to the other end of not having a clue.
As we start to focus on adult/child interactions and how to use the DISC Styles to give us a language to understand them, I want to share a concept with you that Charles Boyd calls “Family Fit” in his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs [affiliate link].
Of course, we love our children deeply. But perhaps you’ve noticed that with one of your children more than the others – you understand them, relate to them and interact with them in an easier way. You “get” each other! The chances are good that you have the same DISC Style. You might both have faster motors and enjoy physical activity without the need for much talk. Or you both might have slower motors and thoroughly enjoy sitting together and reading, then talking in depth about what you’ve read or simply going on long, meandering walks together.
The High I-Style, fun-loving social mom who has an activity to attend every day of the week will have a much harder time understanding her High C-Style child who enjoys coming home from school and playing quietly alone in her room for hours. Or the High D-Style constantly-working dad will be challenged by his High I-Style fun-loving son who can find innumerable reasons for not getting to his long list of chores but can always find time to go play with his friends.
This Family Fit concept can be applied in an office as well. You might be the orthodontist who works with a wide variety of young patients each day. You are a High C-Style focused on the details and the process of their treatment, with specific instructions for them to follow each week – such as the exact teeth to hook up with rubber bands. You know this is crucial for correct tooth movement. But as you share these important instructions with your High I-Style patient, they are distracted by everything else going on in the office and their excitement to tell you about what happened with their braces last week. You can count on the messed-up results you will see at their next appointment.
Or perhaps you are talking to a High D-Style patient, again trying to explain the importance of where to place those rubber bands, but it is more than they can do to sit in the dental chair for more than a few minutes, and they are fidgeting and ready to agree to anything you say just to get out of there. But again, the specific instructions are lost on them.
But then you have your High C-Style patient who is fascinated with the perfect positioning of the rubber bands and the effect it will have on teeth movement. They will make sure each day to hook up those rubber bands exactly right and come in to the next appointment with amazing results. It is easy to see why they may be one of your favorite patients.
QUESTION: This week, try to notice your own adult/child interactions. Do you share similar “speeds”? When do you feel that you understand each other? When do you feel like you don’t “get” each other at all? Can you pinpoint what might be the difference? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
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