Have you ever had or worked with a Teen or an Adult who was absolutely fascinated with details and completely focused on the system to use to apply those details?
As we finish the Adult to Teen DISC Series this week, the combination we will discuss is the High C-Style Adult and the High C-Style Teen. In other words, the teen can be just a younger version of the adult, with a lot of the same tendencies and characteristics.
As a reminder:
- The High C – is precise, conscientious, systematic, slower-paced, task-oriented, likes procedures and details – whether they are a teen or an adult
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High C Adult/High C Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: This is a natural combination to produce a child prodigy. You can enjoy working hard together on some task or project and give full attention to what needs to be done. You both are prone to seriousness. And both parent and child are dedicated to quality, excellence, and doing things the right way.
STRUGGLES: The trouble comes when parent and child disagree on whose way is the “right” way. Both can quickly shut down and withdraw to plan their next move. And both tend to wage a war of indirect communication.
STRATEGIES:
- Be open at times if your child suggests a different way of doing something. Be willing to flex on some of your standards to finish a job in a mutually acceptable way.
- Be careful when you correct your child. You well know that criticism of your work is one of your greatest fears.
- Don’t overreact when your child criticizes you.
- Show plenty of affection and emotion. Like you, this child needs to feel loved and valued, and he may not be naturally affectionate.
- Most of all, don’t set your standards so high that your child feels he will never be able to reach them.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
As Dr. Boyd mentions in his Strategies, the willingness to be flexible is a key character development for both adult and teen, though a challenging one. And I appreciate his focus on the care needed when correcting or criticizing. Both adult and teen are extremely sensitive to both.
The challenge comes when the two High C-Style people involved believe their way or their system is the “right one” to use. It can easily escalate into poor communication, with each side getting quieter, more withdrawn, and keeping their opinions and feelings to themselves.
Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish’s excellent book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, is full of great practical suggestions for this situation. I highly recommend it.
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High C Adult and a High C Teen can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible as well as some good next steps in those interactions, wherever they may occur.
To read the blogpost on this Adult/CHILD combination, click here: “Do You Want to Know My System and the Right Way to Do It?
QUESTION: Think of a time when you sought to relate with a child who insisted their way was the “right” way and their system was the best approach. What did you find worked well? Or not so well? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
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