How a Detail-Loving Adult can Best Relate With a Fun-Loving Teen

Have you ever had a teen who added the element of fun to everything they did? And were so persuasive, they could talk anyone into sharing that fun with them? So how does this high energy, fun-loving teenager relate with a parent who is slower paced, and detail oriented?

As we go through the Adult to Teen DISC Series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High C-Style Adult and the High I-Style Teen.

As a reminder:

• The High C – is precise, conscientious, systematic, slower-paced, task-oriented, likes procedures and details

• The High I – is the “party looking for a place to happen”, fun-loving, outgoing, fast-paced, people-focused, enthusiastic, very positive person

In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, [affiliate link] Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High C Adult/High I Child combination and shares the:

STRENGTHS: Your love for detail and doing things right is exactly what this child needs to be more balanced and successful in life. And your child can be a source of freshness and joy to you, because you tend to be more serious.

STRUGGLES: Since you are on opposite ends of the “pace and priority” continuum, you may find it difficult to understand this child’s persistent intense need for fun. Because of your high standards, the child may not receive the praise and approval he needs. This may cause him to look for approval from other people.

STRATEGIES:

• You must modify your expectations for this child. Realize that he will never give the same attention to details that you do.
• This child hungers for acceptance and approval, so look for strengths and praise him at every opportunity.
• Enjoy your child for who he is, even though his strengths may be different from yours.
• Stop working on your projects and tasks long enough to give the child your focused attention.
• Listen enthusiastically to his stories and tales. It energizes him to talk and have you listen attentively.
• Most of all, don’t push for perfection. Don’t set your standards so high that your child comes to feel he will never be able to reach them.

[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]

One of Dr. Boyd’s strategies that we saw work extremely well was to “enjoy your child for who he is, even though his strengths may be different from yours.” I constantly had to remind myself to “delight in my child” and in their own unique strengths; to be their biggest supporter and cheerleader. It always amazed me how this perspective kept my attitudes towards many other fleeting things in check.

Please take a moment to check out my book recommendations that address these issues:

• Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Dr. John Townsend
• How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
• Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel
• The Five Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
• [Note: these are all affiliate links with Amazon]

As Dr. Boyd suggests:  the challenge comes from the fact that the High C Adult and the High I Teen are on different ends of the “pace and priority” continuum. The C Adult will be slow-paced and focused on the task at hand. The I Teen will be much faster-paced, focused on the people and their needs.

I hope this gives you an idea of how a High C Adult and a High I TEEN can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible as well as some good next steps in those interactions, wherever they may occur.

For the blogpost on this Adult/CHILD combination, click here: “But I DID Clean My Room! Now Can I Go Play With My Friends?”

QUESTION: What modifications in your attitudes or actions have you found to be helpful in this combination with a fun-loving, people-oriented teen? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.