You’ve probably met one, or perhaps they live in your house – the high-energy teen who is involved in a myriad of activities, usually the leader of at least two of them, and is energized by the challenges these activities present. Added to this high activity level is the teen’s drive to be in charge. So what happens when we combine this go-getter teenager with a slower-paced, detail-oriented adult?
As we go through the Adult to Teen DISC Series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High C-Style Adult and the High D-Style Teen.
As a reminder:
- The High C – is precise, conscientious, systematic, slower-paced, task-oriented, likes procedures and details
- The High D is the take charge, must be in control, faster-paced, decisive and authoritative, and gets things done person
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, [affiliate link] Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High C Adult/High D Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: Both parent and child share a similar bent toward accomplishing tasks. As long as they share these goals, they can be very effective as a pair, and mutually helpful.
STRUGGLES: If parent and child have opposing goals, the “C” parent will find himself in a hopeless battle. The “C” wants things done “right”, according to his standards. But “right” to a “D” is seldom as complicated as the “C” seems to make it. The “D” child simply wants to do it his way and get it done. The child will tend to make decisions and do things quickly and miss key details that are important to the “C” parent.
STRATEGIES:
- Give your “D” child some responsibility, and keep yourself from stepping in to try to make things better. He needs to be in charge of something.
- Be lavish in affirming the goals and accomplishments of this child. This may not come naturally for you, since you often see how something can be done just a little bit better.
- Recognize that risk-taking is important to this child. Set limits according to wisdom and safety.
- Accept that life with a “D” child will be one change and challenge after another.
- Recognize this child’s need for physical activity.
- Try not to argue with him; your reasoning may not be convincing.
- Most of all, don’t expect perfection. Be cautious about setting your standards so high that your child feels he will never be able to reach them. Even a “D” will quit trying if he is constantly criticized for not measuring up.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
One of Dr. Boyd’s strategies that was extremely important to implement was not to expect or push for perfection. Instead of setting our standards impossibly high, to focus on affirming their goals and accomplishments as they did them.
There are two additional books I highly recommend for this Adult C/Teen D Combination:
- Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
- Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Dr. John Townsend
- [affiliate links]
The challenge comes in that the dynamics and struggles with this combination will be relentless and ongoing. It is wise to be aware, accept and understand this challenge as early as possible to protect the relationship. It will be too easy for the C Adult to hold onto being “right” and doing things “their best way” while the D Teen will relentlessly strive to be in charge.
Also, in his book, Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Boyd has a whole section on “Why You Are Who You Are” with excellent questionnaires to use to discern both a person’s pace (D’s and I’s are faster-paced, S’s and C’s are slower-paced) and their priority (D’s and C’s are task-focused, I’s and S’s are people-focused). If you want more information, I highly recommend getting his book. It is full of insightful perception and practical application.
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High C-Style Adult and a High D-Style Teen can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible as well as some good next steps in those interactions, wherever they may occur.
For my previous blogpost on this Adult/CHILD combination, click here: “No Time to Sweat the Details, Mom – I’ve Got to Do It NOW!”
QUESTION: Think of a time when you sought to relate with a teen who was high energy, is driven to be in control and ready to push the boundaries at every opportunity? What did you find worked well? Or not so well? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
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