For most of the DISC Styles, it is definitely a benefit to share the same Style between the adult and the teen. The increased understanding, shared speed at which they live and make decisions, and their communication preferences all add up to an advantage to the relationship.
As we go through the Adult to Teen DISC Series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High S-Style Adult and the High S-Style Teen.
As a reminder:
- The High S is the dependable, persistent, tender-hearted, slower-paced, cooperative, patient, steady person
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, [affiliate link] Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High S Adult/High S Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: You have a lot in common and can enjoy being with each other. Both of you appreciate a relaxed, calm, peaceful home atmosphere, and work to keep things that way. You both help each other out. The two of you enjoy “do nothing” times – spending the afternoon watching television, wandering through a shopping mall, or killing time in a boat fishing – without concern for time or telephone.
STRUGGLES: The biggest trouble comes in the area of communication. You both talk indirectly – both will suggest things, but neither will want to make decisions. Also, neither wants to initiate anything that might result in change. If you are too accommodating the child may become too dependent upon you and grow up lacking the ability for independent thinking and doing. Also, since neither of you want to upset the other, hurt feelings can be suppressed. Over time, this unwillingness to bring up unpleasant issues can become a problem.
STRATEGIES:
- Balance doing things for your child with encouraging him to do things for himself.
- Initiate more and be more decisive.
- Realize that some conflict and change is healthy. Life constantly changes, so don’t overprotect your child from this reality.
- Draw out how your child feels and honestly share how you feel. Don’t sweep hurt or negative feelings under the rug, hoping they will go away.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
One of Dr. Boyd’s strategies that we saw work extremely well… the “Do Nothing” times – just had one yesterday in fact… this High S Mother and Daughter took time to simply sit, catch up, no agenda, just talk time. Then we watched a segment of a movie she thought I would really enjoy (and I did!).
The challenge comes with having clear, honest communication, especially about difficult issues. Since a goal of both the High S Adult and the High S Teen is to “keep the peace”, feelings and concerns can easily get stuffed instead of brought out into the open.
Two books that will greatly aid this Adult/Teen combination and their challenges are:
- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
- The Five Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
- [Affiliate links]
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High S Adult and a High S Teen can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible as well as some good next steps in those interactions, wherever they may occur.
For the blogpost on this Adult/CHILD combination, click here: “Hey, Mom, When Can We Have a Short Ladies’ Night Out?”
QUESTION: Do you find it challenging to have “Do Nothing” time with a quiet teen? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
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