Have you ever had a teen deliver their TEN good reasons and talk you into something that, deep inside you, your better judgement was screaming, “NO!” Whether they were your own child or your patient or a relative… doesn’t matter. These teens have a gift of being able to persuade. They always seem to have multiple reasons to convince the adults in their lives on every issue.
As we go through the Adult to Teen DISC Series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High S Adult and the High I Teen.
As a reminder:
- The High S is the dependable, persistent, tender-hearted, slow-paced, cooperative, patient, steady person
- The High I is the “party looking for a place to happen”, fun-loving, outgoing, enthusiastic, very positive person
The High I is renewed by People Time – so with our High I teen, there were always extra teens around. Part of the fun was never knowing how many extra bodies would be eating supper with us. My role – to welcome them, be genuinely interested in them and feed them well.
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, [affiliate link] Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High S Adult/High I Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: You have the potential to get along well. You love to have a good time and the child can provide the entertainment. Both provide praise and appreciation which both need to feel good about themselves.
STRUGGLES: Keeping up with the pace of this child can be a challenge for you. Your child likes change and moves from activity to activity like a tornado. You prefer things to be calm, peaceful, and routine.
STRATEGIES:
- You must be firm and set limits with this child. His persuasive, fast-talking ability can leave you speechless, wondering why you gave permission for some activity.
- Don’t overdo for this child. He tends to dislike work and will let you do everything for him if you are not careful. This can breed irresponsibility into the child; he’ll go through life thinking someone else will take care of him, so he can coast along and have fun.
- Don’t bail him out when he has not been responsible with homework or keeping on a schedule. Let him experience the logical consequences of being disorganized or forgetful.
- Help him become more organized by writing down how something is to be done in a step-by-step manner. Use “To-Do” lists, but don’t be surprised when this child frequently loses the list.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
One of the challenges comes with the difference of pace for this combination. The S-Style Adult will take life at a slower pace, thinking through decisions, even walking and talking slower. But the I-Style Teen will constantly be in Turbo Drive, excited, fun-loving, and very persuasive. An extra awareness of this difference will aid in the relationship.
To help with the challenge of setting wise boundaries with the high energy I-Style Teen, I highly recommend:
- Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Dr. John Townsend
- The Five Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
- Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
- [affiliate links]
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High S Adult and a High I Teen can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible as well as some good next steps in those interactions, wherever they may occur.
For the blogpost on this Adult/CHILD combination, click here: “As you can see, Mom, I have TEN Good Reasons, so I should be able to…”
QUESTION: Think of a time when you sought to hold the line with a high energy, very persuasive teen. What did you find worked well? Or not so well? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
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