High D-Style children have been described as “a tornado looking for a place to happen”. Their drive to control as well as their high energy level influence every day of their lives. Add to this the hormones in the teen years and the highs and lows of the transition to independence and adulthood, and you have the potential for lots of challenges. They are SO ready to “make their own way” in the world!
As we go through the Adult to Teen DISC Series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High S-Style Adult with the High D-Style Teen.
As a reminder:
- The High S is the dependable, persistent, tender-hearted, slow-paced, cooperative, patient, steady person
- The High D is the take charge, must be in control, fast-paced, decisive and authoritative, and gets things done person
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, [affiliate link] Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High S Adult/High D Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: You have the ability to provide the encouragement on which this child thrives as he seeks to achieve his goals and even leadership.
STRUGGLES: Since the child desires constant control and instant action, he can easily exhaust a parent like you, who wants things to stay calm and peaceful. The biggest problem with this combination comes in the area of discipline. You tend to be too lenient, wanting to avoid conflict, and he knows it. He can easily take advantage of you. You want peace at all costs and the long-term result can be an uncontrollable child.
STRATEGIES:
- The child needs some areas over which he has control. Just make sure you are not controlled by him. And don’t become disheartened when he doesn’t need you for some activity. He likes to do things himself. Don’t take it personally.
- Be firm. Force yourself to take a stand. Make strong statements and establish your authority.
- Be decisive and stick to your decisions. Realize that you will be tested. It’s important that you do not waver.
- Also, understand that being more directive will not be easy for you, but it is necessary.
- Don’t feel like you are a failure because your child is so different from you. He’s the way he is because of his design.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
Our eldest High D-Style teen was especially driven to make a difference in the world. In her high school years, this played out in the plethora of activities she took part in and the leadership roles she had in those activities.
Our youngest High D-Style teen took a part-time job after school building houses with a local contractor. It took lots of energy, he developed excellent skills and knowledge and could definitely see the “fruit of his labor” in the finished product.
With both of these High D-Style children, my High S-Style parenting role became to be their Biggest Cheerleader and be present and supportive for their activities.
I also found a couple books to be extremely helpful during these parenting years:
- Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
- Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Dr. John Townsend
- [both affiliate links]
The challenge comes in navigating the progressive letting go and launching process. It will come in fits and starts, then in leaps. The keys for us were to:
- Keep listening
- Keep communicating
- Keep being present and on their Team
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High S Adult and a High D Teen can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible as well as some good next steps in those interactions, wherever they may occur.
For my blogpost on this Adult/CHILD combination, click here: “Move Aside, Mom, I’m In Charge and I Can Handle This!”
QUESTION: What have you found to be the keys to raising a high-energy teen? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
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