As we relate as adults to teens, whether in our family, or our profession, one challenge is to find ways to connect and share experiences. It can be a great help if we share common traits or how we approach life.
As we go through the Adult to Teen DISC Series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High I-Style Adult and the High I-Style Teen. Because I share this style with one of my children, it was easy for our high energy and positive outlook to feed off each other.
As a reminder:
- High I – is the “party looking for a place to happen”, fun-loving, outgoing, people-focused, enthusiastic, very positive person
Talk about a Party Looking for a Place to Happen – when we put two of this Style’s people together – any excuse is a good one. When those two people happen to be mother and daughter, it results in lots of good times!
This was especially true when my daughter was in her teens – and had lots of activities we shared – whether making her costumes and sitting in on rehearsals when she was in a show, or scheming together on the plans for Backyard Bible Club meetings or planning overnight camping trips or sailing escapades.
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, [affiliate link] Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High I Adult/High I Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: Both of you live life enthusiastically and optimistically, enjoy being with people, like to have fun, want to impress others, and freely give compliments and praise. In fact, you can become a mutual admiration society. When you make mistakes, you both will give a lot of slack and tend to forgive easily.
STRUGGLES: Because both parent and child tend to live life emotionally, you may end up competing to be the center of attention. Jealousy between a high “I” teenage daughter and mother is not uncommon. Also, since you both tend to be impulsive, issues such as following through on responsibilities and financial discipline can become a major family problem.
STRATEGIES:
- Remember to listen to your “I” child. He likes to talk as much as you.
- Realize that your tendency to be overly permissive may help produce an even greater lack of responsibility in this child. Learn to incorporate some of the strengths of both the Directive and Corrective parenting styles in order to give balance to your natural parenting style.
- Realize that this child dislikes details as much as you do. Write down who is responsible for what. You can make this fun by turning it into a game.
- Set limits and boundaries and follow through with discipline. Resist bailing the child out when he fails to follow through. This will not be easy, but it is necessary in order for him to grow into a competent, responsible adult.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
One of Dr. Boyd’s strategies that we saw work extremely well was focusing on listening to my High I-Style teen and giving her a safe place and regular time to decompress and chat. She knew I was always available for Talk Time.
One of the main challenges would be evident when our enthusiasm and impulsiveness would take precedence over daily responsibilities. This was especially true in summer, when the outdoors and beautiful weather would call to us to drop everything and head to the lake. It was always wise to remind ourselves of our daily tasks and make sure we were covering those well.
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High I-Style Adult and a High I-Style Teen can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible as well as some good next steps in those interactions, wherever they may occur.
For the blogpost on this Adult/CHILD combination, click here: “WooHoo! Any Excuse for a Party is FINE With Me!!”
QUESTION: Have you ever shared your strongest traits with one of your teens? How did this commonality show up and play out? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
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