Have you ever had a child who was so tenderhearted that just “the look” would bring them to tears? Or perhaps this child was a patient who completely shut down and got very quiet under a reprimand that they needed to do a much better job of wearing their headgear or elastics?
As we go through the Adult to Child Relationship DISC series, the combination we will discuss this week is the High C-Style Adult with the High S-Style Child.
As a reminder:
- The High C – is precise, conscientious, systematic, slower-paced, task-oriented, likes procedures and details
- The High S – is dependable, persistent, tender-hearted, slower-paced, cooperative, people-oriented, patient, and steady
In his excellent book, Different Children, Different Needs, Dr. Charles Boyd discusses this High C Adult/High S Child combination and shares the:
STRENGTHS: Both parent and child take things slowly and can enjoy a more reserved, low-key relationship. The parent will appreciate the “S” child’s easygoing, agreeable nature that avoids noisy conflicts.
STRUGGLES: You may be frustrated when the child doesn’t think through things the way you do, or share your enthusiasm for key details. You also may worry about why you cannot seem to motivate this child to strive for the same standards of excellence by which you operate.
STRATEGIES:
- Be aware of your tendency to focus on critical tasks and doing things correctly. Balance your interaction by exploring how your child feels and what is going on in his world.
- Be more open and share your feelings with your child. Draw him out.
- Allow your child the luxury of simply doing nothing at times. This is how he recharges his batteries.
- Remember to explain how you want something done. Do not expect this child to figure out all the details by himself.
- Show sincere appreciation for any effort, even if it does not come up to your standards.
- Be careful with your criticism. Criticism can sound harsh, even if you don’t intend it to be.
- Most of all, don’t set your standards so high that your child feels he will never be able to reach them. The child will feel inadequate and not valued, and he will simply give up.
[Excerpt(s) from DIFFERENT CHILDREN, DIFFERENT NEEDS: UNDERSTANDING THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILD by Dr. Charles F. Boyd, copyright © 1994, 2004 by Charles F. Boyd. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.]
***This combination is a good time to encourage you to check out Dr. Tim Kimmel’s website on Grace Based Parenting: https://gracebasedparenting.com/. From experience, I can assure you that rules and regulations, especially if required without the balance of strong relationships, will yield pushback, strained interactions, withdrawal and rebellion in children. Dr. Kimmel has written and developed an outstanding system to prevent this sad situation.
To better explain the DISC Styles to children, John Trent wrote a delightful book, The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality. Mr. Trent uses the analogy of a lion (High D), an otter (High I), a golden retriever (High S) and a beaver (High C) to demonstrate how these traits are a treasure for the children.
Another fitting book I want to recommend for this High C Adult and High S Child combination is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish.
I hope this gives you an idea of how a High C Adult and a High S Child can interact and some strategies to handle those interactions in the best way possible whether it is as part of a family or in a profession.
QUESTION: Think of a time when you sought to relate with a quiet, tender-hearted child. What did you find worked well? Or not so well? I’d love to hear your thoughts and observations. Please share in the comment section below.
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